So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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