Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
