textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
