she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
