I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did we literally take a cab across the street
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
