I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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