tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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