She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
