Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
