I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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