Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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