im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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