I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
