..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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