I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
