sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
