I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
