I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
