dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He? As in you personified your dick?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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