I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
