New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
