I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
