We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
