i just had sex bonerless
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
