i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
