...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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