Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
