do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
