Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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