Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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