i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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