I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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