if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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