Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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