I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
