Im at strip club and am horny
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i have two assholes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
