maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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