It's Friday. Sex?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
