you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
