if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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