Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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