I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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