TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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