It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
