Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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