Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
