are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
