I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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