I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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