You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
