You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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