I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
