did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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