i just had sex bonerless
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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