What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
