$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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