last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
