What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
