we're blogging at a bar
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
