I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
