I bet he comes in French.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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