I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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