I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
