Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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