Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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