Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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