i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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