She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
