just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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