My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
